Financially, I’m not sure which one, between my husband and I, married up, because we both don’t have money, except for that inheritance lumpsum waiting for me (lol! I wish); and our families are far far far from balling.
Education-wise, I’m also not sure. He went to a high school that cost about R60 000 a year (20+ years ago), while mine cost about R700 a year haha! Eish! But in varsity, [where we met, actually 🙂 ], I ended up studying one level higher than him (Honours)…..so, I think somehow we’ve equalised there, hey?
But that’s not the kind of marrying up I wanna chat about, I’m talking about character. When it comes to your partner’s character, it’s so important to marry up.
Now, please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we must be on a pursuit to finding the most perfect, spotless human being to marry, because we might just wait around forever for that :/, although I didn’t. Haha! Jokes, my husband’s not perfect…… but he’s pretty close haha! Ok ok, let’s just say he’s perfect for me *pulls out the cheeseboard* …..yeah, I know I know, allow me 🙂
Coming back to my point: What I am saying is that it is super important to marry someone whom you can look up to in terms of character, a person who inspires you to be better, a person who won’t let you be less than what you’re supposed to be, but calls you up to a higher standard, a person who is consistent in their character and values.
I’m saying this because what I’ve realised is that your spouse is probably your greatest influencer (and Adam said “Amen”). We all know that the company you keep ends up somewhat shaping your character and your values, how much more with the person that you spend the most of your life with? The person you trust the most, the person who is privy to your realest thoughts and emotions (yes, realest!), the one whom you are the most vulnerable to, the one who knows you better than anyone?
Now, of course, this is a two-way process, and you do feed off each other, and encourage, correct and exhort each other; but the fact remains that the person who has the most access to impact and influence your life is your spouse.
I’m so grateful that I have such an amazing friendship with my husband, I can totally be who I am with him all the time…….whether I feel like being crazy, silly, stupid, bluntly honest or deep….I can always just be real. But at the same time, he’s such a man of great character that he leaves no room for me to be mediocre when it comes to character.
Not that he says it in many words, but there’s such an environment of ……… (really can’t find the word) that it’s not even about pressure to ‘become a better person’ but more of an inspiration or a calling up to greaterness (yes, greaterness). The person he is just makes me want to do better…..does that make sense?
For example, say I run into a certain situation where I feel hurt, betrayed or wronged by a friend. Honestly speaking, in these situations it’s very easy to react from a place of hurt and anger (eg. sulk, distance myself, seek revenge, have a bad attitude, etc)…..but knowing the kind of man that I’m married to, I know there’s no place for that kind of thinking because he values friendship, forgiveness, reconciliation, living in harmony, loving people, and all those lovely-sounding things……..not to say you’re not allowed to feel all kinds of emotions (because emotions are a real thing no matter how straight your character is) but it’s about how you respond to situations; and always checking your heart to see what’s really happening in there and why.
It’s always good to have a person to nudge you and be a gentle reminder of the things you believe in, especially when you don’t feel like it. I really appreciate him because I realise how it could easily go the other way.
Disclaimer: Yes, I have Jesus…..yes, I have the Holy Spirit but I sure am glad that I have Langa as well :)….it helps a lot haha!
So, yes, choose carefully because your spouse shapes the person you eventually become, whether it’s intentional or not; and whether you realise it or not.
You need to marry up.