Financially, I’m not sure which one, between my husband and I, married up, because we both don’t have money, except for that inheritance lumpsum waiting for me (lol! I wish); and our families are far far far from balling.
Education-wise, I’m also not sure. He went to a high school that cost about R60 000 a year (20+ years ago), while mine cost about R700 a year haha! Eish! But in varsity, [where we met, actually 🙂 ], I ended up studying one level higher than him (Honours)…..so, I think somehow we’ve equalised there, hey?
But that’s not the kind of marrying up I wanna chat about, I’m talking about character. When it comes to your partner’s character, it’s so important to marry up.
Now, please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we must be on a pursuit to finding the most perfect, spotless human being to marry, because we might just wait around forever for that :/, although I didn’t. Haha! Jokes, my husband’s not perfect…… but he’s pretty close haha! Ok ok, let’s just say he’s perfect for me *pulls out the cheeseboard* …..yeah, I know I know, allow me 🙂
Coming back to my point: What I am saying is that it is super important to marry someone whom you can look up to in terms of character, a person who inspires you to be better, a person who won’t let you be less than what you’re supposed to be, but calls you up to a higher standard, a person who is consistent in their character and values.
I’m saying this because what I’ve realised is that your spouse is probably your greatest influencer (and Adam said “Amen”). We all know that the company you keep ends up somewhat shaping your character and your values, how much more with the person that you spend the most of your life with? The person you trust the most, the person who is privy to your realest thoughts and emotions (yes, realest!), the one whom you are the most vulnerable to, the one who knows you better than anyone?
Now, of course, this is a two-way process, and you do feed off each other, and encourage, correct and exhort each other; but the fact remains that the person who has the most access to impact and influence your life is your spouse.
I’m so grateful that I have such an amazing friendship with my husband, I can totally be who I am with him all the time…….whether I feel like being crazy, silly, stupid, bluntly honest or deep….I can always just be real. But at the same time, he’s such a man of great character that he leaves no room for me to be mediocre when it comes to character.
Not that he says it in many words, but there’s such an environment of ……… (really can’t find the word) that it’s not even about pressure to ‘become a better person’ but more of an inspiration or a calling up to greaterness (yes, greaterness). The person he is just makes me want to do better…..does that make sense?
For example, say I run into a certain situation where I feel hurt, betrayed or wronged by a friend. Honestly speaking, in these situations it’s very easy to react from a place of hurt and anger (eg. sulk, distance myself, seek revenge, have a bad attitude, etc)…..but knowing the kind of man that I’m married to, I know there’s no place for that kind of thinking because he values friendship, forgiveness, reconciliation, living in harmony, loving people, and all those lovely-sounding things……..not to say you’re not allowed to feel all kinds of emotions (because emotions are a real thing no matter how straight your character is) but it’s about how you respond to situations; and always checking your heart to see what’s really happening in there and why.
It’s always good to have a person to nudge you and be a gentle reminder of the things you believe in, especially when you don’t feel like it. I really appreciate him because I realise how it could easily go the other way.
Disclaimer: Yes, I have Jesus…..yes, I have the Holy Spirit but I sure am glad that I have Langa as well :)….it helps a lot haha!
So, yes, choose carefully because your spouse shapes the person you eventually become, whether it’s intentional or not; and whether you realise it or not.
You need to marry up.
Great blog! Totes agree 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Omg…. i cant begin to thank you enough for this post. I have never read your blog but i just feel like it was so of God that i saw this post. God has a thing for showing off sometimes but i don’t mind it. Anyway let me get to the point.
So i have been dating this guy for a while now and he is nothing compared to what/who my parents think i am going to marry. He is a bcom graduate who is working hard to get his Hons in economics. Me, well i have just passed my final qualification exam and need to be signed off to be CA (SA). So to my parents I’ll end up marrying an engineer or something like that. But this guy, let me tell you, this guy is soo much more than his degrees or job or money or lack there off. He pushes me everyday to be a better person, to pursue Christ, to trust God in all his plans. His faith though, i have never seen anyone who trust so much in the power of God and i admire that in him, and even though we wont be the richest couple in currency , i best believe that we will be richer in other areas of life most importantly in the things of God.
Now we need to tell my parents that this is not a fling and we thinking about marriage and praying about it and i am just hoping my parents see in him what i see.
Thank you so much for your post. I needed to see that marrying up is not all about money and material things but character counts and speaks volumes.
Oh wow, thanks for leaving this comment! It’s really encouraging 🙂
Can I just quote a scripture for you, Gen2:24. That scripture is extremely PARAMOUNT.
Another, ones current state in not their destination.
There’s nothing more appealing than a God fearing man. Anything else are just man made theologies that instill fear in us. Let God reign over all.
All of the best in your union!
I love how candid and unfiltered you are. In church, we tend to be veiled. You, in this blog, are being real. Siyabonga. Rare and refreshing. Engathi ngiqefa ukuphuza amanzi abandayo lishisa ilanga. #Qhubekani. I love this blog.
Thank you so much! That was one of the reasons for starting the blog, to talk about those things that we think about and go through but don’t wanna talk about, for some reason
This is a good read. really enjoyed and made me realise that i am blessed to be married to my husband because i definitely married up! ?
That’s beautiful ❤❤❤
This is such a beautiful post Unathi….!
First time reading your blog and am so excited to have subscribed. My husband and I are also a young couple, 5 years married and expecting our 4th (well 3rd and 4th-twins). So refreshing to find a blog I can relate to 100%. As for marrying up!!… so True! My husband makes me realize every day that I married up!… when he gives me advice I’m always in awe of how wise he is and am grateful to God for grooming him for me! Looking forward to interacting with you and your family through your blog:-)
Hey Amanda! Thanks so much! And congrats to your family on the little ones coming….your family will get hectic soon soon ?
I know right? Sometimes you take it for granted, but having an amazing husband who pulls you up is such a blessing! ?
Loved this post! It truly is a blessing and affirmation of good decision-making to be married to such a spouse. One who inspires you to better yourself. You know, those things that make us say stuff like “you bring out the best in me”. My eyes (incl inner ones) have been realising this more and more and I appreciate him more each day.
So true! And I hope we never take them for granted ❤